High Holy Mass of Contradictions

Originally published at The Bee Hive. Please leave any comments there.

It’s hard not to be irritated with doctors in general right now.

Let me back up for a second. Ever since the rat problem in the back yard and the flea infestation in the house and all the cat sicknesses, and all the rest of it, Karsten has been having a lot of trouble sleeping. He hardly sleeps, and then when he does sleep, he’s been waking up with major anxiety attacks. You can imagine how, after a while, that would start to make you not want to sleep at all.

I’ve been trying to convince him to go to the doctor and get a prescription for Ambien or something similar. He’s willing to take something over the counter, but I foresee the possibility that this will turn into a fairly long-term arrangement and I feel like a doctor should be monitoring it.

But the problem is, doctors have had a history of misjudging and mistrusting Karsten, especially when he goes in asking for a prescription. They think he’s a drug addict, and this seems to be based partly on his somewhat non-conformist appearance and partly on the fact that he works in the arts. Once, when he was being examined for sinus problems, a doctor said “You’re a musician, so you’ve used a lot of cocaine, right?” while nodding his head at Karsten as if to encourage him to agree. When Karsten replied (somewhat indignantly, no doubt) that he’d never used cocaine at all, the doctor regarded him with a suspicious look and refused to give him any medication at all.

Another time, when our apartment neighbors back in San Jose were making our lives miserable (one actually spit in Karsten’s face) and we were both jittery wrecks, Karsten went to the doctor — a different doctor, of course — and asked for something to help calm his nerves, like Valium or something, because he couldn’t write at all. This doctor also asked about Karsten’s recreational drug use (none) and refused to give him anything stronger than what amounted to a placebo.

After all this, I think it’s pretty understandable that he’s reluctant to go in asking for a prescription for sleeping pills.

But I suggested that he explain his state of mind, explain what’s been going on, and ask the doctor for a recommendation. If the doctor refuses to prescribe something, I said maybe he should offer to take a blood test to prove he doesn’t use drugs. He actually seemed comforted by having that card to play and it sounds like he’s going to go.

Has anyone else ever received this kind of suspicious treatment from doctors? If so, what do you do to ensure the outcome you’re hoping for?

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I love this: Showtime is using a marijuana scent-strip to promote the show "Weeds" in Rolling Stone magazine. Oddly, despite not having a TV, I've actually seen several episodes of this show, and I thought it was pretty good. But even if I hated it, I'd love this gimmick. One source says the scent is more like patchouli than marijuana. I'm going to have to set up a reminder to check out the August 24th issue of Rolling Stone.

Rolling Stone magazine has put out a list of the "500 greatest songs of all time," although upon closer inspection they mean the 500 greatest rock 'n' roll songs of the rock 'n' roll era. But no matter: it's a cool list, made up of votes from 172 "rock stars and leading authorities."

Their #1 song? Bob Dylan's "Like a Rolling Stone." Hey, I'm not gonna argue -- it's a fucking fantastic song -- but I do wonder if that particular song was subliminally advantaged in this particular race. :-)

But read about the song's genesis and recording, and you can't help but see rock 'n' roll genius at work. Dylan poured out pages upon pages of raw emotion that he later condensed into the lyrics of "Like a Rolling Stone." His insistance on how the recording should sound may have seemed startling and controversial to the musicians sitting there in that session with him, but clearly, he had a vision. Whatever he channeled within himself or without, he produced a masterwork.

I love reading material like this. I've read every book of interviews with songwriters and musicians that I can get my hands on, and they're always so very inspiring. What's particularly interesting to me is how many of them say they don't know where the song came from; that they must have drawn the inspiration from somewhere outside of them. Many make references to a collective consciousness or some mystic energy source that they feel they tap into now and then (especially through the use of intoxicants, no doubt). And quite a few admit to a tendency to create chaos in their lives because in times of peace, they're not inspired.

And after reading all this, I sometimes wonder if it takes that level of eccentricity to create works of creative genius. And if it does, I'm grateful for the people who have that talent and the ability to push boundaries. I have no desire to live a jagged, painful existence, even if it means producing the most inventive works of art possible. I'm not saying I'm satisfied with mediocrity, but I'd be thrilled to make as meaningful a contribution to music as I can within the bounds of living a happy, well-balanced, healthy life. And if that's being a sellout, show me the dotted line and I'll happily sign it.